Hello guys, Its CriticalCanine21 with a movie review. I probably will review the live action movie adaptations of cartoon movies as they come out. (except Alvin and the chipmunks road chimp) I felt obliged to see this when I saw the 1st trailer. It is so rare for a trailer to get as much hate as this one did. I haven’t seen a trailer get this hated since Christmas Story 2. (yeah its a thing) When I saw it was in theaters, I knew it would be perfect to review. I also want to point out that I never grew up on the original 80’s cartoon. I have seen bits of it and it looks fine for an 80’s cartoon. Back then cartoons were more focused on selling toys than telling interesting stories or characters. Despite this some are enjoyed still to this day for either being actually good like the Ninja Turtles and others for being funny bad like He-Man. I would put Jem more on the He-Man side cause its stupid and not subtle about the fact its clearly trying to sell toys, but at least it has charm and is funny in how dumb it can be. The movie is another story.
You really don’t need to be a Huge Jem fan to know this movie doesn’t follow the cartoon at all. The story of the cartoon was about a girl who inherits a music company and gets a device to become a pop star which leads to her leading a double life but also trying to keep an evil band called the misfits from taking over. That is as good as I can summarize it here. Its bacicallly the 80’s version of Hannah Montana. The movie is turns her story into Justin Bieber’s with some changes. The plot here is about a girl who after losing her father is taken with her sister to live with her aunt (played by Molly Ringwald) and their stepsisters. (I think) She is shy but loves writing music and after recording herself disguised as a rock star named Jem singing her song, her sister gets the tape and puts it online. It becomes a hit and her and her sisters are signed by a recording studio. The studio plans on reshaping their image and changing who they are. The recording studio tries to make Jem the star which leads to her pushing her sisters away by accident. With the help of the son of the head of the recording studio and her sisters, they will discover who they are all while trying to solve a puzzle with a last message from their dad. This story is so complicated with the 1st bit being a boring story about overcoming evil studio executives (ironically from evil studio executives who changed what Jem really is) and a story about a robot straight out of Earth To Echo involving her dead father. Neither belong together and both are so frustratingly cliched that the idea of this movie encouraging people to stand tall and be themselves started to piss me off. In the cartoon, Jem was fighting for control of the company while balancing her pop star life. In the movie, she is winey and annoying as well as her sisters. The few times they use lines from the movie left me groaning like when she puts on the outfit and looks like the cartoon and her sisters say she looks truly,truly outrageous or the time the boyfriend is trying to tell her that as awesome as the alternate persona is she is better, he says Jem is” glamour and glitter,fashion and fame” or the time we find out she got the name from her dad calling her his little Jem and the amount of her fans saying she is a diamond hidden in the rough. The song is amateur garbage that sounds like a Taylor Swift song. In any other world, She would either be forgotten despite people claiming she is awesome or she would be the next Rebecca Black and by the way she gets no dislikes at all. Apparently, everyone thinks she is awesome including the cameos by Chris Pratt,Jimmy Fallon, and Alicia Keys despite the fact that people can be jerks on the internet.. People call other various offensive terms and things before online so why would the be so nice to her here considering people like Rebecca Black get death threats from people and other things. The movie also likes to show Youtube videos of people showing off their talents to heighten drama and show off that everyone is unique but it comes across as annoying and the idea of a film like this saying that feels patronizing to its audience. I know I’m not the target audience for this but that shouldn’t matter. Girls and boys are entitled to like stupid stuff. I know I did. But this movie is pandering to the lowest common denominator, telling a story that Jimmy Neutron and The Proud Family have both told in a funnier way and is playing it serious(CAUSE JEM WAS A REAL GRIPPING DRAMA!!!!!!!), Using awful music that feels like the stuff Radio Disney won’t play, and despite this is claiming that you shouldn’t change who you are and we are all unique. Well,this movie is not unique or even watchable and it changed the very identity of a well known 80’s cartoon that kids don’t even know about. It was hard for me to find anything remotely enjoyable as I watched it. It felt like torture and pisses me off in the same way the show Glee pisses me off. It is pandering, telling a recycled story, and saying the most cliched message in such a hypocritical and annoying way that I feel the movie does more harm to the younger generation than good. It is one of the worst movie I have ever seen in my life so far.